OMG

In a span of 3 hours, Jaidyn has peed on my living room floor, taken a bath shortly thereafter, splashed 90 percent of the water out of the tub, drawn a “frower” on his bedroom wall, and painted my dining table with nail polish. I just…I mean…help?

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Mama don’t play.

Time to rant a little bit. You know, I was young and stupid once, and it wasn’t that long ago, actually. However, if a neighbor had informed me that I continuously woke up their family at night with my ridiculously obnoxious behavior, I would have apologized and stopped whatever I was doing that was keeping them up at night. Yeah, well, I’ve had it. I don’t even ask people to be quiet anymore. I skip right to the part where I set my alarm for 6:00 a.m. and immediately begin my I-bet-you-jerks-thought-you-were-going-to-sleep-in-late routine, which consists of the following: slamming the front door, slamming the back door, slamming the cabinet doors, slamming the car doors, “accidentally” setting off my car alarm, dribbling a basketball on the front porch, dragging chairs across the kitchen floor, and laughing as loudly as I can–HA HA HA. Does this sound a bit harsh? Trust me, it’s 100 percent fair, considering this is what I have to listen to every single night. No worries, though. I just bought THE loudest vacuum known to mankind, and I’ve never been more excited about spring cleaning.

Moral of the story: if you’re a renter, consider your neighbors, especially if they have small children; the parents are probably already borderline bat-shit-crazy as it is, and they would appreciate it more than you can possibly imagine.

Oh, and Mama don’t play.

 

Bedtime Routine

Most parents with small children learn to develop a “bedtime routine” of some sort to make that transition at the end of the day as painless as possible for everyone involved. I don’t know why it works, but it just does. Jaidyn’s bedtime routine is quite simple: movie, blanket, pillow, milk, and snuggling with Mommy for an hour or so. However, I’m SO tired of watching the typical cartoons that most toddlers watch these days, so, tonight, I popped in The Wizard of Oz. Jaidyn was absolutely GLUED the entire time! I was thrilled because that’s one of my favorite movies from my childhood, and it just goes to show that the “classics” are still relevant. Hmm…this also means that an amazon.com shopping spree is in my near future, yes! I know this is a rather vague (and ambiguous) question, but what are some of your favorite “classics” from your childhood? I’ve been brainstorming, but it’s been a loooooong time, haha! 😉

 

Hair gel…toddler torture?

I usually keep my son’s hair cut pretty short because when it’s long, it sticks straight up in all directions. However, I recently discovered hair gel for little kids (alcohol-free and such), so I thought I would try it on Jaidyn’s hair. In order for this to work, I needed him to sit still long enough for me to comb his hair, squirt a teeny amount of gel in my hand, and apply it to his hair; I thought that this would require, oh, maybe 60 seconds? 90? Too long. My neighbors probably thought I was torturing him, considering the hellacious screaming that ensued: “Mama, no! My hair! No, no, no! HELP! AHH!” After a full-scale wrestling match, there was more hair gel on his face than in his hair.

Jaidyn: 1

Mama: 0

The Downside to Spring

FINALLY, it’s here: warm weather. Well, it’s warm today, at least, and Jaidyn and I have made the most of it. There’s a little field in front of my house, and I just set him loose this morning. He was so happy to be outside that he was actually running (and skipping) laps around the field. I basically become a hermit during the winter. Seriously, I don’t go outside unless it’s absolutely necessary. This sounds like a sunshine-and-rainbows kind of post, doesn’t it? If you think the title might suggest otherwise, you’re right. Someone had to rain on our little parade today, someone with eight legs. I despise anything with more than four legs. Well, it happened after nap time. I was pretty pooped from chasing Jaidyn around the front yard all morning, so I took a nap too. I wake up to hear Jaidyn jabbering on about something in the bathroom. “Hi, spider. Hello? Spider? Hi! What are you doing, spider?” Finally, I realize what he’s talking about, leap out of bed in a panic, trip over a toy truck, face plant, crawl into the hallway, and yell, “NO! Jaidyn, don’t touch it!” At least, that’s what I think I said. It’s hard for me to form a coherent sentence when I first wake up. Anyway, luckily, the eight-legged freak was in the bathroom sink, and Jaidyn couldn’t quite reach it. That’s not to say it couldn’t get out, as I soon discovered after attempting to rinse it down the drain. The beast was still managing to climb up the side of the sink, despite my efforts to drown it. I ******* hate spiders. Allow me to reiterate; I ******* hate spiders. It’s not that I’m afraid of them, necessarily. I mean, I won’t hesitate to kill one, but when the spider resists being killed (and does it well), I start to freak out a little. In a nutshell, I did defeat the spider, but Jaidyn, being the terrible two that he is, has decided to use the situation to his advantage. Every few minutes, he stops abruptly, shrieks in horror, points, and yells, “MAMA! LOOK, A SPIDER!” and then proceeds to laugh hysterically. Very funny…

Here’s a photo of the creepy crawler, prior to being slain:

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Beach fever, anyone?

I don’t know about y’all, but I am SICK of cold, rainy weather. The sugar-white sands and emerald waters of Pensacola Beach are calling to me. Hmm, let’s see what a weekend trip would cost…

$150 gas + $300 hotel + $50 groceries = $500

The only problem would be the unhappy child in the backseat during the 6 hour drive, ha! He LOVES the beach though. Anyone wanna split the costs with me? Only $250 each! Please? Going once…

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